Friday, October 4, 2013

What is the truth of love?

" I care about how YOU feel," not "I like how you make ME feel."

See the difference?

The truth of love is to love other people the way they are, even though they may not do things that please you; unconditionally accept the fact that they have their own rights of making decisions without trying to change them; love yourself enough to walk away from a relationship that is unhealthy for you without manipulating others to do what you want them to do.

Some people do not agree. When I asked them why, they said: "I can't love him if he is wrong. And he needs to change."

  • Can you see what's behind this statement: I will only love him if he change to what I want him to be.
  • Do you sense FEAR: I am afraid if he doesn't change, he might harm himself and me.
This is where most of us get stuck with our loved ones. We can't lovingly accept bad behaviors from people we love. 

What's behind this non-accepting behavior? The need of staying in control with the people and events around us. 

But if we hold onto this need, we will start to get angry, upset, and appear manipulating to others. This often creates huge disconnection between you and your loved ones. 

What if the behaviors are destructive and you do not want to be part of it? Lovingly accept it as a fact, and make a decision to walk away. But most people stay around and looking for ways to change that bad-behaving person, only resulting more conflicts and stresses for all involved.
It is not your job to change your partner. It's your job to love and accept. 

One thing you have to remember is that nobody will change just because you said so. People will change only when they decide to change. Forcing others to change only will make things worse.

But this does not mean that you have no power in your situation. Your power is within yourself. Look into yourself: why are you attracted to this person? Remember, like attract like. If you want your partner to change, find ways to change yourself first. Often times, when one partner change, the other will see the changes and eventually will make some changes accordingly. 

If you have more questions on this topic, send me an email: